just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
