Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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