Fine. I'll sleep in my office
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
