Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
