i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
