I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
