i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have fence marks all over my body
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
