:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
