What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
