you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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