why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have feelings that need drinking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
