Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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