just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
