Screwed.edu
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
