I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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