Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
