Cold hands, warm shart.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
