if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
