its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
