and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
