I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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