I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
