i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
