Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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