My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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