Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
