It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
