Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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