I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
