My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
