in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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