Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
