I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
