He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
