1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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