Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
