Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
