his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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