Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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