do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
