Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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