Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
