3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize