actually, I'm a sock model
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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