What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
