laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
