the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
