I must be too annoying 4 u.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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