you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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