FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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