Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
