why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
