When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
