Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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