i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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