her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
