I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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