Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
