my phone needs a breathalizer
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
