I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just cropdusted the office
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
