Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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