Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize