11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
