We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
