Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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