Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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