Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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