I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
