just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
