I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
