return my video game
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
