perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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