ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
