once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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