Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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