I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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