STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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